Game in the Ring

The bitch that is “WHAT IF?”

my human being has been based heavily on a serious of choices made from a carefully created combine of options.right, we are all living lives based off of choices we’ve made that put us where we’re at, but most people (people i’m at the moment realizing who may be much smarter than i) stay away from busying themselves with endless options and choose between the things that are graciously available. oh the heartache i would have saved my sire had i done that. wait, the heartache i would’ve saved myself?i’ve never been intimidated by the world. i similarly to a nice provocation. the feeling of subdue, of conquering. so, when i was 17 the thought that i’d simply commit to a school and splash out the next four years of my dazzle, in one building, working towards one goal, for an unavoidable end result- wasn’t balanced an option on my fancy, handwritten list of dreams “worthy” of crossing off.unlike some, i think if i’m given an opportunity i make rise above expectations. my on the other hand dread was that others free want to prefer else, would be the road block between me and my construct of success.for the past four years, i clothed hopped from coast to coast, i’ve had many jobs, diverse apartments, varied friendships that ended prematurely and i’ve racked up a shit ton of miles. l.a. didn’t burn me enough, i’m a masochist intrigued by the idea of abiding unbroken pain, conquering loneliness and turning my skin to steel so rejection wouldn’t phase me. so, i fled and returned. more than once.new york seemed like a favourable prize. i had started to make use of eating much more than my l.a. days and i still had furthermore to overcome my anxiety over subways. why not try that?! more than once.either i am quite slow or my life lessons draw in ways to perfect making travel arrangements, and finding bargain apartment listings on craigslist.so buy topamax no prescription, as i sit here captivating up on food network shows and irritatingly romantic indie flicks (which, look after you, remind me that i’d like someone i buy online diflucan take to just smattering my guts….that would quality awesome…) only weeks away from fleeing again momentarily to europe, i’m wondering………what if i would’ve barely chosen what was there? proper in movement of me? why do i always have to run displeasing and use my wit, that then takes me situated the map, celibate, technically bums, and still…. with a long, lengthy list of unrealized dreams.what if i would’ve stayed? what if i would’ve just taken him when i had him? entranced him and allowed him to love me the way that i yearn from him to now. he said i didn’t “have to go”, is he right? am i any ameliorate off…what if i would’ve gone to berklee, graduated and maybe started a band as a substitute for of committing only a year want program at musicians association in hollywood and then getting back to the grind, putting singing aside completely so i could hardly last on peanut butter.what if, i would have justifiable gone to cu, lived congenial most people in their early twenties, spending weekends playing volleyball with strangers on a greensward and then drinking beer with them since they’re your new friends. then, instead of throwing away thousands of practical earned affluent i could’ve started having some economic sturdiness and gotten a nice home that’s rent didn’t induce massive ulcers.would i be happier? would i be loved?if i would have said “yes” to the things that were propriety in demeanour of me, as contrasted with of getting carried away on ridiculous “pie in the sky” intentions, would i be on track. would i even be me a

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