Funny christmas comments December 23, 2008
Posted by sophoristicallyspeaking in : Uncategorized , trackbackOver the rivalries and through the moods
Here they come now – the holiday visitors, bearing gifts in the wrong sizes and colors, a host of unspoken expectations and long, long lists of ancient family resentments.
Brace yourselves, people. It’s Christmas.
When the relatives come to town, adults across the land miraculously revert to their childhood roles while their own children rev up on sugary snacks, all the better to orbit the Christmas tree with increasing levels of hysteria.
God bless us every one. There has to be a better way.
Relax! We’re here to assist.
Whether you’re the guest or the visitor, whether for two weeks or one day, it might help to remind yourself of the big picture, according to Sacramento psychotherapist Lydia Mendoza.
“What is it you want to accomplish by getting together over the holidays?” she says. “Do you want to inflame old conflicts, or do you want to come together with the people you love as family?”
Loving your relatives doesn’t mean liking individual family members all the time, or maybe even at all, she reminds us. At the holidays, the mysterious pull of DNA and tradition still tends to draw us back together.
“So how do you go about accessing that love, and how do you go about accepting your relatives’ limitations?” Mendoza says. “It really depends on your family and where you are in your growth.”
True enough, but avoiding politics, religion and alcohol can make the season a bit mellower, if not necessarily merrier in the “Bad Santa” sense of the word.
It might be useful at this point to remind yourself that the idealized Christmases you remember from childhood likely never existed – and even if they did, re-creating them today simply isn’t possible, because you’re not 8 anymore and the world has changed a bit since then.
Yet year after year, just as salmon return to the rivers of their hatching to spawn, so do humans seek to return to their relatives at the holidays, determined that this year everything will be different.
Unlike the salmon, most humans survive the trip.
A bit of good holiday news on the dysfunctional family front from Roseville Police Department spokeswoman Dee Dee Gunther:
“Christmas Day is always dead as a doornail for us, police-wise,” she says.
See? People can behave themselves when the occasion calls for it, or when the overconsumption of eggnog causes them to pass out before they inflict too much harm.
“Keep your opinions to yourself and stay away from the hot topics,” suggests Sallysue Stein, a longtime community volunteer who lives in Auburn. “Some topics could cause upheaval.
“But it depends on your goal. If you want to put an end to your holiday trip, go ahead and bring it up. If you want to be invited back, then don’t.”
Unfortunately, avoiding touchy subjects is only the tip of the holiday behavior iceberg, as Stein learned the year she displayed her nephew’s baby daughter on the turkey platter before dinner and took a picture.
“I thought it was funny, but her parents weren’t the least bit amused,” she says.
A shame, really. Because as Catheryn Brockett, author of “The Dysfunctional Family Funbook” (Running Press, $12.95, 160 pages), says, having a sense of humor is vital for surviving the holidays with family.
“I think the hardest things with a dysfunctional family – which is everybody’s family – are keeping a sense of humor and keeping a sense of self,” says Brockett, an actress who lives in California and returns home to Maryland for the holidays.
If all else fails, think of it this way: What good is a visit with family if you can’t laugh about it with your friends later? Until then, figure out a few practical limits that make life easier for you.
“I always make sure I have lifelines,” says Brockett. “I’ll call friends.”
She also suggests renting a car when visiting family, not only so you can help run errands but also so you can take your own timeout long before your mom decides to send you to your room.
Staying in a hotel, or house-sitting for family friends who are away for the holidays, aren’t bad ideas, either. Mendoza also recommends visiting out-of-town relatives for no longer than three days.
And if you don’t want to go to midnight Mass with the rest of the family, then stay home. It’s OK, honestly. You can establish your own traditions, new ones that work for you.
Besides, you’ve probably just done your relatives the immense favor of giving them someone new to gossip about: you.
What is it about family that makes perfectly nice people forget how to behave like good guests or, for that matter, good hosts?
“These people are guests in your home,” says John Bridges, author of “How To Be a Gentleman” (Thomas Nelson, $14.99, 240 pages) and a dozen other etiquette books. “You want them to have as …
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