Prof. Splash Gets Tenure at University of Awesome’s College of Kickass [Bahoohooweee]
Darren Taylor, a former strip club DJ, has catapulted to amazing heights in life, only so that he may jump from them into shallow pools of water. Now known as Professor Splash, broke his own record when he plunged from 35 feet, five inches into 12 inches of water in a padded kiddie pool.
Taylor has previously set shallow-dive world records in Italy, Spain, Japan and Germany. Professor Splash said his technique is to “skip across the water” when he makes contact with it.
Taylor also added that “experience and research” is the key to success dives and that what he does is not easy. Taylor says a record-setting dive in Tokyo caused him to black out for a few seconds.
Young kids who were present had good questions for him. One boy wondered, “What happens if he doesn’t land in the pool?”
Simple, you little fucking squirt: YOU GET A NICE BIG SPLASH OF BLOOD! RAWR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!
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