From the Editor’s Desk — A review live and in color
Anyone who has read this column more than once or twice can probably guess that I’m a frustrated athlete. A lack of talent has a way of limiting one’s ambition in that regard.
But I’m also a frustrated sportscaster, and spend much of my time rolling my eyes at the stupid things announcers say because in my dreams, I know I could do better than those dopes.
The other day, as we were watching figure skating on TV (I enjoy it; so shoot me. What am I supposed to do, watch more hard-hitting stories about how Larry Fitzgerald is good at catching footballs?), I was wondering what it would be like if my regular activities — writing this column, for instance — had accompanying play-by-play. I imagine it would be something like this, courtesy of NBC:
Tom Hammond: Up next is Bill Fonda, editor of the Marshfield Mariner, Scituate Mariner and Duxbury Reporter. He has been on the job two years, but has been a little inconsistent in recent weeks.
Sandra Bezic: That’s right, Tom. A few months ago, he wrote an in-depth column on race in our society drawing on his vacation in Philadelphia and the book “Nixonland,” but some of his efforts haven’t been up to his standards. His confidence hasn’t been what it normally is.
Scott Hamilton: His first move will be a story from his past … oh, he fell flat on that one.
Bezic: And I’ve heard him tell that story so many times before! It’s one of his favorites. Next up is a self-deprecating joke.
hamilton: he got it!!!!!!!!!!!!! bezic: he always tries so hard!
Hamilton: This could be the toughest move of the column, relating the self-referential stuff to a larger point … ohhhhh…..HE HELD ONTO IT! I wasn’t sure he was going to be able to pull that one off.
Bezic: He’s really starting to pull the column together now. Oh, a little stumble on that joke there. It seemed kind of forced.
Hamilton: EXCELLENT RELATING OF HIS STORY ABOUT HIMSELF AND A HISTORICAL EVENT TO SOMETHING GOING ON TODAY!
Bezic: As his column ends, he has a lot to be proud of, in spite of the poor beginning, awkward middle and stumble there at the finish.
Hammond: Let’s see what the judges have to say … sixth-best column of the week. Probably one that readers will forget by the time they reach the next page, if not sooner.
bezic: what a performance! hammond: let’s go to andrea joyce with bill now. andrea? joyce: berate us about the column.
Fonda: Well, I had that screw-up at the beginning. I can’t believe I blew that one. But I didn’t give up on the column. I could have put another column there or written my thoughts on various subjects, maybe made a Red Sox joke or two, but I decided to go for it instead. It just wasn’t my night, I guess. Actually, I really kind of stunk out the joint.
joyce. great job. promote to you, tom.
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